Domestic Violence/Abuse
There is still a lot of confusion and misunderstanding about domestic violence/abuse
What it is? Who suffers it? Who commits it? And why?
One thing is for certain though: Domestic Violence should not be a private issue, but one of public concern.
In dealing with this emotive area, the need to treat these incidents as seriously as any other form of violent crime is coupled with the duty of all of us whether family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, agencies or community groups to assist vulnerable victims and to provide the advice, help, information and support necessary to protect them from further attack.
Violence or abuse suffered by women and men; which may happen in their home or elsewhere, which is carried out by their partner, ex partner or anyone they are or have been living in a close relationship with is known as domestic violence.
According to home office statistics the highest percentage of victims/survivors are usually women but this is not always the case as men and children are often victims too.
Victims/survivors experience domestic violence regardless of their social group, class, age, race, disability, sexuality and lifestyle.
Domestic violence has no boundaries.
The Government defines domestic violence as:
"Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality".
What is Domestic Violence/Abuse?
Domestic Violence is the persistent and intentional abuse of any kind, whether physical, sexual or mental.
It can take many forms, from verbal threats or the occasional slap, to beating, torture, rape and life threatening physical attacks.
Victims/survivors can suffer broken bones, scalding, terrible wounds, miscarriage, even death.
Verbal abuse is not the odd shouting match or battle of wills that most couples engage in:
It is a continual process of mental and emotional manipulation by the abuser.
The emotional scars on the victim/survivor of this type of abuse may take years to heal - if at all!
It is not easy for the victim/survivor to accept that someone they love and have trusted can behave so aggressively towards them.
The Facts
Domestic violence is likely to become more serious and more frequent the longer it is allowed to continue.
Victims/survivors of domestic violence have often been abused over a long period of time before they call Police, though they may not reveal this fact on Police attendance.
Research shows that on average women have been assaulted 33 times before first calling the Police.
Domestic Violence is a serious crime which is not acceptable and should be treated as seriously as any other such crime.
A quarter of all reported violent crimes are domestic violence incidents.
Not all incidents of domestic violence are crimeable, but domestic violence accounts for the majority of calls that Shift Officers are called out to during their Shift.
However there is still a large amount of under reporting of this type of crime to Police.
Because they cannot explain their partner’s behaviour, many victims/survivors assume that they are to blame.
Victims experiencing domestic violence tend to play down rather than exaggerate the violence
For some the decision to seek help, to leave the abuser, or get the abuser to leave, is quickly and easily made.
For many, the decision will be long and painful as they try to make the relationship work and stop the violence.
Why should we intervene?
Domestic Violence is such a complex issue; there is no one reason why it happens:
There may be aggravating factors such as alcohol, drugs, financial worries, work pressures, arguments over children & everyday stresses & strains.
But again these are generally only aggravating factors.
Because we cannot say why domestic violence happens, it is therefore difficult to stop, which is why I do not think that we will ever stop the first incident of domestic violence from occurring.
What we need to do is to try to work together to stop the number of repeat incidents involving the same people.
We could do this by family members, friends, colleagues, all agencies/ community groups dealing with it positively and treating it seriously when faced with it.
Not everyone who has a drink goes & assaults their partner.
Not everyone who has pressure at work or financial worries goes & assaults their partner.
THESE ARE GENERALLY JUST EXCUSES.
Self Esteem
Self esteem plays a very important part in the issues of domestic violence, how people think & feel can affect the possible way in which they react to the circumstances that they find themselves involved in.
Example
When you are at work and your boss comes in to see you and tells you that they are really pleased with the work you have done recently, and that you are a credit to the company -
How would that make you feel?
Answer
You would be feeling really proud of yourself, you would be happy that your work has been noticed, you will feel valued and respected, it will improve your enthusiasm and your confidence.
Example
How would you feel if you are at work and your boss comes in to see you, they tell you that you are under performing, that your work has suddenly become shoddy, your colleagues have told them that you don’t appear to be making an effort, and that you are not taking pride in your appearance anymore -
How would that make you feel?
Answer
You would feel rejected, you would feel undervalued, you would feel hurt, your self confidence would plummet, you would feel let down by your friends that you thought you could trust, it might make you uncomfortable in that environment in the future.
Victims of domestic violence
Now think of the victim/survivor of domestic violence who is told not once but constantly by the person that they love that:
She/He is useless
That She/He cannot do anything right
She/He has nothing important to say
That if their partner didn’t want them no one else would want them
That they look plain, they don’t dress nice anymore, that they have put weight on and are fat
That they are a bad parent
Think for a minute…….
If you were in that person’s shoes -
How would that make you feel?
Your self esteem would be affected; your confidence would hit rock bottom, and then you would after time start to believe that what your partner is saying is true
You would question your ability in every area
You would become withdrawn and you would start to feel worthless
You would become vulnerable.
Reasons why victims stay
Sometimes it’s because the violence and the arguments don’t happen all of the time, and when it isn’t happening things between them might be good, and that ultimately they love their partner.
Sometimes it is because of the fear of the unknown, that they are scared to leave, where will they go, how will they manage.
There may be financial reasons to stay; they may have a nice house, a nice circle of joint friends….
Do they really want to lose that?
They may stay through fear that no one will believe them
That if they have children - What affect will it have on the children taking them away from their father/mother….In the victim/survivors eyes the offender has never hit the children.
Why do some victims leave?
Because they have had enough of the abuse
Because they are scared that next time the injuries could be worse or even fatal
Because of the effect that it’s having on the children
They want to get on and have a better life
They have help and support from friends, family & other agencies.
Why do some victims go back?
Why do some women (or men) once they have found the courage to leave, and then go back?
Because they love their partner
Because they think that they can help their partner
Because there is nowhere for them to go
They may be offered a Refuge space - but they might not be used to that environment so therefore go back home
As their self esteem and confidence is low, they may find that they cannot cope on their own; due to the power and control over them by their partner, they have learnt to become dependent on their partner and may feel isolated and lost without them
Due to the children missing the offender
Due to pressures from family and friends
Through lack of help and support from some agencies
From not being believed.
Going to the police
There are some professions that will always have an effect on some people…
For example: when a person who is normally confident, knows what they want, and have the ability to put their point across is faced with meeting their Bank Manager - Why then do they become a jittering wreck
Why for example - if a law abiding member of the public is stopped by the police, when they get back into their car - Why does he or she stick their car into reverse and drive towards the Police car parked behind them - rather than stick it into first gear, and drive forward. Why after being stopped do they then pull out in front of oncoming traffic rather than look first?
Why do some people when dealing with their child’s teacher suddenly become overwhelmed and unable to hold a sensible discussion?
Why - Because all of us can feel intimidated by what we have learnt over the years.
With this in mind:
Put yourself in the place of the victim/survivor
Who may have been assaulted numerous times (The statistics state 33 previous times)
Who finds the courage and is brave enough to walk into the Police Station or phones the Police for help
Bearing in mind that their self esteem is low, that they have been used to being criticised. That they have been told by their partner that no one will believe them - especially the authorities - it might be the first time that they are seeking help
Think how frightened and scared they must be feeling
REMEMBER
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY -
WE MUST TREAT IT SERIOUSLY
Victims/Survivors learn to minimize the violence in their minds; so that what has happened to them does not seem as bad to them.
People who work within agencies and authorities that deal with domestic violence get used to hearing similar cases everyday…it is important that they do not get blasé about what they hear
THE SITUATION IS VERY REAL TO THE VICTIMS/SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON THEIR LIVES.
If you are a victim of domestic violence/abuse there are many organisations out there who can help and support you but if you feel you are in danger please call 999
For perpetrators of domestic violence/abuse who want to end the violent/abusive/controlling behaviour contact RESPECT who will put you in touch with an organisation in your area who can assist you:
If you are a child witnessing/experiencing domestic violence/abuse then there are many organisations out there who can help and support you but if you feel in danger please call 999.
Other Agency/Organisations who offer assistance, help and support
There are many agencies and organisations on a national and a local level available to help with the issues surrounding domestic violence. A way to find them is either by way of your local directory (at the front of the directory under useful numbers or under such headings as support groups), by leaflets from your local council, or via their internet. Via approaching a key agency that has a statutory duty imposed by the Crime and Disorder Act to be involved in partnership work with other agencies – these key statutory agencies are Police, Social Services and the Council.
Each of these three, will have representatives on domestic violence groups/forums/crime and disorder groups and will have strong links with other agencies both voluntary agencies and statutory agencies.
Other key agencies involved with domestic violence are:
Victim Support Scheme (VSS)
Women’s Aid
Social Services Child Protection Team
Social Services Family Services Team
Social Services Elderly Team
Health Authority Child
Protection Team
Home Start
Relate
Age Concern
Careline
Family Mediation Services
Police Domestic Violence Units
Police Child Protection Units
Police Hate Crime, Race, and Vulnerable Minority Teams
Solicitors – Family and Domestic Violence Solicitors
Probation Service
Alcohol and Drug Advisory Service (ADAS)
Mental Health Units
Citizen’s Advice Burueu
National Society Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)
Childline
Samaritans
There are many other agencies involved on a local basis who can assist.
All information on this site has been provided with kind permission from Selyor Consultancy ©
